BBS Humor Digest Extract #1
Here is extract #1Â from the April 1990 of the BBS Humor Digest. This post contains content of an adult nature. Think of an ‘R’ rating in the movies.
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While on a picnic one day, a porn star fell asleep in a field where cows
were grazing. While she slept, one of the cows had managed to position
itself so that its udder was directly over her head. She woke suddenly
and saw the udder. Still half asleep, She exclaimed, “Please boys, one at
a time.”
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A man was thrown out of a house of ill repute for complaining about
the quality of service. The manager told him “You don’t have grounds for
a complaint because you knew her name was Ill Wind when you came in here.”
(HINT: Old saying “It’s an ill wind that blows nobody good.)
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Little Johnny was 12 years old, and like other boys his age, rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about “courting” from the older
boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done.
One day he asked his mother, who instead of explaining things to
Johnny, told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older
sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning Johnny described everything to his mother: “Sis
and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile. Then he turned off most of
the lights and started kissing and hugging her. I figured she must be
getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought
so too, because be put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just
like the doctor would. Except he’s not as smart as the doctor, because he
seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick
too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out
of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her
skirt. About this time, Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and
squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when
the fever started. I know it was a fever, because Sis told him that she
felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick, a big
eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It jumped out of his pants and
stood there, about ten inches long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one
hand to keep it from getting away. Then Sis saw it, she got really
scared: her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open. She started calling
Humor Digest - April 90
Sexual Jokes
out God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she’s ever
seen. I should tell her about the ones down at the lake. Anyway, Sis got
brave and tried to kill the eel by biting it’s head off. All of a sudden
she made a noise and let the eel go–I guess it bit her back. Then she
grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of
his pocket and slipped it over the eel’s head to keep it from biting
again. Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock
on it and he helped by lying on top of it. The eel put up a hell of a
fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset
the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between
them. After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew it was
dead because it just hung there, limp, and some of it’s insides were
hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle,
but they went back to “courting” again. He started hugging and kissing
her again. By golly, the eel wasn’t dead!! It jumped straight up and
started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats; they have nine lives
or something. This time I knew they killed it because Sis’s boyfriend
peeled the skin off and flushed it down the toilet.”
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A man and his wife went to the zoo. While they were looking at the
gorillas, a male gorilla grabs the wife, tears off her clothes and starts
to rape her.
She is terrified and screams to her husband, “John, help me! What
should I do?”
Her husband yells back to her, “Tell him about your headaches, dear.”
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There are these three guys. One is one his way up a hill to get to
the whore house, one is in the whore house and the third is on his way
down the hill away from the whore house.
What are the nationalities of the three guys?
The guy on his way up the hill : Russian
The guy on his way down the hill : Finnish
And the guy in the whore house : Himalayan
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One day Red Riding Hood wanted to visit her grandma. Her mom was
worried and cautioned her about the wolf. Little Red just smiled and
patted her picnic basket, “Don’t worry about me, Mom!”
Sure enough she hadn’t gone far when the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from
behind a tree and said, “Ha, now I’ve got you Little Red Riding Hood, and
I’m gonna fuck your butt raw!”
Little Red calmly reached into her basket, pulled out a 44 magnum and
said,”Oh no you don’t, you son-of-a-bitch, you’re going to eat me, just
like in the story!!!”
